Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Being a Marriage Defender Every Day and Being Single
Last night I had a dream that was kind of interesting. I was a professor teaching a class on marriage and being a defender of marriage. Well, its interesting because I'm single and have failed three marriages, but I certainly enjoyed each and every one of them.
I've had the good fortune to be married to three very beautiful women and I wouldn't have gotten a divorce from any of them. I loved marriage and the concept of working together. Life's not to bad being single with a child I watch 50/50 and my X and I get along pretty good. In fact I got a bag of home-made chocolate chip cookies this morning. Who could complain about that as far as an ex-wife? We both work at what we have left very hard.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall , the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth ; for he hath not another to help him up.
While our society seems overwhelmed with divorce now, and I've been through three of them, I still believe in love and I still believe in marriage. I've never regretted any of my marriages and have learned so much from each one of them.
One of the things I believe about marriage that is taxing us is an unhealthy picture of what a "marriage" really is. Unrealistic expectations I belive are severely handicapping marriages and those expectations are cultivating a divorced-happy state.
While our society may be slow, I don't think we are all that dumb. Its true that with a divorce comes a split up of the economic pile that is certainly devastating. Some say 90% of divorces are rooted in some kind of finance or money problems.
Some say 90% of married women claim its their mother-in-law as far as being the biggest bone of contentions.
Others say we never marry who we truly love, maybe having something to do with the above two thoughts on 90%?
One thing that is 100% true is that "high expectations" of marriage leads to divorce. Believing someone is never going to change, or hoping someone does faster then their own pace is a big part of those 'unrealistically high expectations'. I love Eddie Murphy's gig on Lowered expectations.
The truth about the ease of which 'falling in love' happens, and the simultaneous work that marriage is certainly gets lost in teaching. Everyone from parents to professors seems to mix up the messages of marriages to the point that over 50% don't work in our modern world.
The reasons they don't work are of course multi-faceted but readily can be grouped into a lack of defense of marriage. Marriage is certainly meant for two however in our 'high expectations' the reasons we 'justify' a divorce has contributed to that lack of defense.
Most people getting a divorce are so focused on a particular problem, they have no clue what being single and or divorced down the road 5, 10, 15 and even 50 years down the road will mean, and the problems they will face not being married.
Inheritences get squandered by step-families, children grow up disolutioned about one parent or the other that leads to marital problems themselves, and of course the finances get split and a double dip in everything takes place from the tooth brush to a child's bed if children are involved.
One doesn't really think about needing help or assistance to the car or to the bathroom for that matter as we get older but one thing is clear, without a partner being alone can be very hard in many ways, and in many situations, circumstances, and ages.
One of the things I do see changing is what I call 'the evolution of the marriage expectation' where maintaining a friend for life in a marriage is taught to be more important than keeping what people "think" marriage should be today as a standard for justifying or getting a divorce.
Its easy to say I'm gonna divorce his ass if he/she has an affair on me, much harder to say, I know marriage is more then a sexual act that last 15 minutes a day with the remaining 23 hours and 45 minutes to think about. He/She is a person growing who has maintained a friendship with me and that in my marriage is the "gold" or most valuable character of it, and I'm not threatened by a sexual encounter.
With many states opening up to same-sex marriage, indeed a revolution is happening that might just help hetrosexual marriages to understand or see something about the value of 'partnership' over 'expectations that disolve' a marriage.
Multi personed marriages known as polygamy or Polyandry for that matter are nothing short of a group effort on the finances that make things easier on everyone perhaps 23 hours of the day and the one hour of the day around intimacy is agreed upon and worked out.
We have a whole generation that needs to be taught how to swing with a few things for an hour to make the 23 hours in the day a little easier for everyone involved. I mean, who really says "no" to easing the house payments, car payments, bills to perhaps seasonal vacations!
The logic is overtaking our tendencies of jealousy, greed, and splitting hairs, and its looking like a good thing. Imagine as a society the able bodied welfare state of single people, which is by far the fastest growing in the food stamp and welfare line believe it or not, decreasing and society not having to annie up because 2 or 3 bedrooms just got filled in every house in America as Marriage Groups started pulling their resources instead of dividing them up?
Some people will say "God will never go for it?" using religion as a back-bone for refusing the logic, but indeed in the Bible of what most Christians hold to, God is certainly much more understanding and frugal with the marriage for groups such as Abraham had or many other prophets of old.
In the secular world those apposed must simply drop back on the old pernicious ideaology of "greed","jealosy", and a hoarding of wealth. The very concepts that fall short of christain principles that deplore such selfishness.
Indeed in many things like a house,car,schooling, or vacation, independents just isn't cutting it and most are severly lacking in what could be a more comfortable existence. If people looked at their marriage as more of a friendship that was going to give them much more then a divorce every would, I think we would start seeing people understand the value of marriage that uplifts rather the destructive force of divorce that splits.
In my dream being a 'marriage defender every day' was something that was seen as valuable. An understanding that we as people need to be much more responsible and understanding to other people's growth sexually at different times in ones life within marriage then we are now is not a marriage problem its an education problem and its one that we had better figure a positive solution to quick because social security, medicare, and medicaid simply can not sustain the pride, greed, and plain ole 'selfishness' so many are implementing and teaching their children by their actions now.
I could probably write a book on this and there are many, but where the shoe meets the pavement is about as down to earth as I am and plainly all the divorces are not serving us well.
Maybe its time to re-think the parameters of marriage and value the 23 hours over the one hour that's the problem by defending marriage every day?
I'm single but I do appreciate what marriage is and the value of it. I've never been afraid of marriage but I am afraid of the "small things" that are tending to break marriages up now days. I'm not afraid of taking the vows of marriage but I am afraid of an unrealistic expectation of marriage that procludes a different stages in my life I am going to have to go through.
I've never been afraid of wisdom and understanding, but I am afraid of un-wise judgements and mis-understandings that handicap me in a financtual state. The resulting condition have men on the run and women just really pissed off about marriage.
Maybe we should step back take a deep breath and start communicating what really is bothering us. If you are married, value that like gold, use the power of understanding and love that brought you together in the first place. Always assume the worse, and realize you wouldn't divorce your child; work it out. Indeed the worst most often isn't the end of the world, and the sun comes up another day.
Keep your friendship going, and nurture and promote with encouragement growth understanding phases and habits don't always last forever and age catches up to us all.
Thanks for your time, and I hope if anything that I could be a positive force in our world today for the love that Jesus Christ has offered and shown to me I see as a gift of mercy for all my weaknesses and imperfections. I certainly am clear on one thing and 100% positive of it, love is the greatest power and force on the earth that exist. When its employed mirracles happen.
Please enjoy some winter fun I've had in the two videos one of me and my son tubing and one of my day skiing up to Park City during the Sundance Independent Film Festival. Indeed over the 30 years a dream has been fullfilled of Robert Redford as a place for independents to come together in a love Utah is very proud of.
Utah is a beautiful state with beautiful imperfect people just like any other taking it one day at a time.
Check out the little Independent Film I made yesterday sking up at Park City during the Sundance Independent Film Festival in Park City! It was fun!
Radical Tubing Fun to open up our Sundance Film Festival Festivities! Check it out - its totally TUBULAR! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srkTkdeSlEs
Just a little politics on the side here to let you know how you can help and what's up.
The Coasting Code-Care Act
Breaking: Breaking News : Orrin Hatch R - U.S Senator from Utah and Mitch McConnell R- U.S. Senator from Kentcky just requested two sheriffs kits produced by Michael Volin of WheresObamasBirthCertificate.com (WOBC) with the purpose of informing the public and elected officials of the forgery of the long-form birth certificate image posted since April 27, 2011 on the White House website. These kits (Get Yours Free Here) contain the same evidence released in March 1,2012 (and a little more) that I included in my case against Obama that went from Georgia State- Georgia State Supreme- to U.S. Supreme 12-5276 in Judy v. Obama.
Please urge and encourage your Representatives to OPEN AND TRANSPARENT HEARINGS in the House of Representatives on Obama's eligibility as the solution to eliminating Obamacare. These hearings must be held and the evidence must be heard that are in the Sheriff's kits most all of the Representatives have received now.
If these hearings are conducted in the open and reported in the open, the evidence will mount collectively and the U.S. Senate although it has a majority of Democrats will have to concede to the facts and evidences or will be seen as completely unfit for their duties and as incompetent. Utah would most likely see more benefits come from supporting the Candidates like myself, (well, Candidate as myself because there were no other candidates in the entire U.S.A. who stood up for principle regardless of party), fighting for equal protections under the law in pushing for Open and Transparent Hearings in Congress with two million dollars on Obama's Verification Eligibility qualification hearings on the stage to remove him as a disability according to Amend 14, Sec.3 would be a lot faster solution.
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Let me now wish everyone a very happy and warm New Year as we pray for the Lord to save our Country and restore America from the dilapidation we now find ourselves and the principles of the Constitution in, for this I am Taking A Stand.
Sincerely, Cody Robert Judy
www.codyjudy.us www.codyjudy.blogspot.com YouTube: CODY JUDY / CODE4PRES TV Get Cody's Book: Taking A Stand